Attitude, productivity, real life
Feb. 6th, 2016 10:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mtbcI have been working on how best to approach life. I suspect that there are many seductive habits of both thought and action that trap people in suboptimal ruts. I have certainly made some painful discoveries myself along such lines.
I recognize that my natural disposition doesn't fit reality very well. I want there to be clear rules and guidance on what to do. For instance, I am attracted by ritual and tradition ranging from Islam's Salah procedures for prayer to the salting of the beef at Martinmas. In matters of principle I am inclined to cut off my nose to spite my face, to act in a way that I think would make the world better if everybody acted like that, except they don't and won't. So, I need to guard against deleterious cognitive delusions that could comfort my psyche. It tends to go uncomforted anyway because I do recognize that life isn't certain and simple, but not living within a comforting bubble means that my tendency is to find the world more vexing than enjoyable. While I do want to live in reality, I do also want to enjoy this life I've been given.
There is a frustrating tension between how things are and how things could be that makes me irritable and depressed. This exists at multiple scales. For instance, in my personal life, I know that I am fairly broadly and deeply capable in useful ways, and if I could convert that into more income for me per unit effort spent then with that money I could buy salves for all manner of annoyances. It should be quite possible, I just need to do the correct things. While the pursuit of money is a poor goal in itself, I already know that having comfortably much securely available solves various problems and increases my happiness, and at some point I do decide that I have enough money then I turn my attention to other matters. In the world in general there are various potent arguments (gerald_duck has reminded me of some) for there being strong forces that keep society and governance significantly suboptimal, even declining, that sometimes make me feel more like insulating myself from the world than actually trying to improve it, as if Canute had no worse chance of turning back the tide.
At least in my personal life I have a couple of strategies that I hope will improve things. One is to use Buddhist meditative techniques in exploring Gurdjieff's idea that we are mostly sleepwalking through life. I feel better after an effort to both more directly experience my environment and to break free from the abstract framework I have allowed to confine my routine thoughts. My impression is that more effort in this direction will help me know what is for the best and will give me more energy to pursue it. This may seem to be an eccentric pipe dream but my initial efforts have seemed fruitful.
The other is to get more into the habit of exerting willpower. The evidence is that it is like a muscle: exercise it and it becomes stronger. Too often I just don't feel like doing something but if I actually got started and pushed myself enough to get into the task then I would probably end up liking doing it and my enthusiasm for it would grow. My habitual crutch against lack of enthusiasm has been rigid rules -- for example, for my morning swim that of sticking to only front crawl until after 0700 -- but I would be better for plunging more wholeheartedly into exercise in the first place, and I suspect it to be no coincidence that the stronger, easier, most fun part of my workout tends to be toward the end, as if my body and mind have finally given in to the idea that yes we're really doing this again.
In short, I need to improve the degree to which I identify the right thing to do, especially in my free time, and just go ahead and do it. It will be an incremental process but I fear the alternative of letting my life drift on as it currently is.
I recognize that my natural disposition doesn't fit reality very well. I want there to be clear rules and guidance on what to do. For instance, I am attracted by ritual and tradition ranging from Islam's Salah procedures for prayer to the salting of the beef at Martinmas. In matters of principle I am inclined to cut off my nose to spite my face, to act in a way that I think would make the world better if everybody acted like that, except they don't and won't. So, I need to guard against deleterious cognitive delusions that could comfort my psyche. It tends to go uncomforted anyway because I do recognize that life isn't certain and simple, but not living within a comforting bubble means that my tendency is to find the world more vexing than enjoyable. While I do want to live in reality, I do also want to enjoy this life I've been given.
There is a frustrating tension between how things are and how things could be that makes me irritable and depressed. This exists at multiple scales. For instance, in my personal life, I know that I am fairly broadly and deeply capable in useful ways, and if I could convert that into more income for me per unit effort spent then with that money I could buy salves for all manner of annoyances. It should be quite possible, I just need to do the correct things. While the pursuit of money is a poor goal in itself, I already know that having comfortably much securely available solves various problems and increases my happiness, and at some point I do decide that I have enough money then I turn my attention to other matters. In the world in general there are various potent arguments (
gerald_duck has reminded me of some) for there being strong forces that keep society and governance significantly suboptimal, even declining, that sometimes make me feel more like insulating myself from the world than actually trying to improve it, as if Canute had no worse chance of turning back the tide.At least in my personal life I have a couple of strategies that I hope will improve things. One is to use Buddhist meditative techniques in exploring Gurdjieff's idea that we are mostly sleepwalking through life. I feel better after an effort to both more directly experience my environment and to break free from the abstract framework I have allowed to confine my routine thoughts. My impression is that more effort in this direction will help me know what is for the best and will give me more energy to pursue it. This may seem to be an eccentric pipe dream but my initial efforts have seemed fruitful.
The other is to get more into the habit of exerting willpower. The evidence is that it is like a muscle: exercise it and it becomes stronger. Too often I just don't feel like doing something but if I actually got started and pushed myself enough to get into the task then I would probably end up liking doing it and my enthusiasm for it would grow. My habitual crutch against lack of enthusiasm has been rigid rules -- for example, for my morning swim that of sticking to only front crawl until after 0700 -- but I would be better for plunging more wholeheartedly into exercise in the first place, and I suspect it to be no coincidence that the stronger, easier, most fun part of my workout tends to be toward the end, as if my body and mind have finally given in to the idea that yes we're really doing this again.
In short, I need to improve the degree to which I identify the right thing to do, especially in my free time, and just go ahead and do it. It will be an incremental process but I fear the alternative of letting my life drift on as it currently is.
