Jan. 4th, 2017

mtbc: maze L (green-white)
My taking of vitamin supplements and my improvement in mood coincided with the arrival of other seasonal distractions. Now life is returning to normal I find my mood again declining: I am sufficiently bothered to not be falling asleep easily tonight. I ran out of vitamin D this evening; perhaps it is not worth refreshing stocks.

I feel that after meeting my various obligations and getting enough rest I have too little time left for myself and for pursuing what would make me happy. One way to address this might be to rethink my obligations: perhaps I construct my own jail. But, others depend on me and I love them and want to do what is right for them.

The world is strange and irrational: I do not greatly blame myself or anybody else for my present circumstances. Indeed, I have much to be thankful for: my health, my children's health, my time with them, my nice colleagues at work, that I have a job that allows me to support my family, that I live in a pretty area, that I have many good memories. Life is full of surprises: if I just keep on going then there may be something good and lasting around a coming bend.

I think that my experiment with reversing my withdrawal and returning to more social interaction has reached its safe extent for the meantime. It is probably tolerable, even healthful, to continue using Dreamwidth and a couple of other small avenues but I don't plan to push any further back out into the world for the meantime.

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mtbc: photograph of me (Default)
Mark T. B. Carroll

September 2017

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